you look at me.
i laugh.
i joke.
i'm happy
i look at myself in the mirror.
i hate.
i despise.
i'm sad.

i have no faith in myself anymore.

=( !!!! my mum don't wanna sign a new contract with singtel... that means i'll have to pay the retail price for the freaking phone i want. F--K~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ sigh. i dont really blame her actually. $19.90 a month? thats really too much. besides she don't really need a handphone so what for get a new line. but im really upset because i cant get a new phone right away. and guess what ? since i sold my 7610. i'll have to use back that old... dying... piece of crap... 3100. yet, this piece of crap stayed with me for 4years... its darn powerfull man. if you guys realise this. phone now adays got so many problems. at first.. its all good and new. then after a few months of using it. it starts screaming '' IM SICK . BRING ME TO THE SERVICE CENTRE '' this kinda crap. yet.. i cant stand bringing this powerfull 3100 out. its really embarrassing. argh. so damn vexed now. phuuuuuuuuuu. or should i just get a cheap phone. save up the $500 and buy a XBOX !!!!!!! but... i'll have to sell my ps2. if not my mum will start nagging about having too many consoles and not concentrating on my studies bla bla bla. aiya. think i'll just save up $200 more to get a n73 without contract. but not now. will only do that after the price dropssssssssss. im out.

i just sold my precious 7610. i have never thought of selling it. really. cause im satisfied with the functions and everything. but i had no other choice because something was wrong it. geee. something's wrong with me too. think im addicted to selling things. first it was my psp , games , dvds and now this. nvm that. my only worry now is what phone i should really get. since my psp's not with me already. i'll need a mp3 phone. n73 and w850i...WHICH ONE? i know i know. i should get sony walkman phone since its related to a music player. but the thing is.. i dont trust other brands except for nokia. yet sony's got the real package. it comes with a one gig mem and as for n73 just a 128mb shiat ? ARGHHHH. this is mind blowin. fk! if theres no fault in my 7610, i may even have the money to get one bloody xbox. ARGGGGHHHH. im going to scream this blog down soon... so im out.

ITS REALLY ALIVE NOW
but i prephered the previous skin i've changed. darn!

ITS ALIVE BUT
theres some problemo with it. darn.

dying blog.....

how complexing our mind can be sometimes
helps us detect love and hate
yet confuses us with contradictions
all that we've been through
whether if its sadness or happiness
becomes part of our memory
not to be forgotten
as time passes by
we've all changed
and so should my mind too
so its time for me to..
move on.

wahhaa. and i thought i knew who that person is. how embarassing. well. why hide, just let me know who u are. junior?? erm.. since you've already told me that. why not tell me who u are??? i wont bite. lol .ok. lame.
was very sick yesterday. but it sure was fun. after the stupid event. we separated with hui and her bf. then xiwei treated all of us to kbox. so generous right? but its also because he's gg into ns next week. aww. we're gonna miss u pighead. lol. thanks for the treat again.
my examination is comming soon. think ill TRY to revise my maths and read more english books. sigh. think its gonna be boring today. i just came back from tution. and just look at the time. 1.15 !? geee. what am i gg to do for the rest of the day. hope gx think of something to do later. if not im just gg to slack until the evening and end the day at the court.

WHAHAHAHAHA. i made a fool out of myself again. but at least i gain some meaningless experience from it. well. it was'nt that bad. at least i tried. sign. i dont get it. people that got the looks or talent shld be given another shot if they failed their first try out. its really a waste. im not refering to myself. well, maybe we're just not the lucky batch . 10hours of bbq-ing ourself under the hot sizzling sun and all we get is a minute of shame. its not really that embarrassing or what. but they shld at least give us some respect and some meaningful comment. darn. they just freaking light the sign and out we go. leaving us nothing but doubt. is'it bad or good? is'it because of this or what ? fuck. they're so freaking rude. geeeee. im never ever gonna participate in such stupid event unless im real confident. waste of my time. but juleen, u got the talent, dont waste it. same goes for monkey. i think both of u can make it through. just dont be nervous because they dont give a damn abt your feelings. mfs. good luck to both of you. make the rest of the animals PROUD ! FIGHTING ! crap. okok. i gtg bath and all. im out.

shiat~ just remembered that i have to get myself a pair of new shoes, so i think i wont have enough money to buy a guitar already. *cry* maybe i'll get one after o's , sign. 'maybe' by then i wont be that intrested in it already. anyway ill be kinda buzy after the examination cause ill be working most of the time. im really desperate for money. got too many things i wanna do and buy. guess money is never enough for me. when will i ever learn how to save. geee. if only im a rich son of a b****.. i will get myself a xbox360/ps3, some branded clothings, a pair of jord's basketball shoe,a bottle of expensive perfume,do some extreme makeover, a one of a kind laptop and maybe i wont even be in singapore cause i'll rather study and slack else where . see the differences between the rags and the riches? okok, this dream of mine is never gonna happen. thats all for today's ' dree eee am dream dream dream dreee eee am ' entry. im out~

recently, i found out that i have changed.. not much but at least.. in a good way. im not that pessimistic anymore, as time passes, i found out that this is not what i want my life to be. struggling meaninglessly in the dark aint helping. i gotta get out of it and live with it. so what if my life's a bitch, theres ppl who's having life that is so bad, they'd rather end it. so mine is'int that bad, just that i got more 'downs' than 'ups' . now, i try to talk to ppl when im working and not play dead at some corner like the past. i'll also not try to think of something sad when im alone. this is something i shld be happy abt.. or maybe the only one.

i dont know why, but i feel like learning something that i'm not capable of suddenly. like playing a guitar.. yea.. thats right, playing a guitar. yesterday , i told ahmad if his willing to teach me and he dont mind at all. what a good boy, i appreciate it. thanks. think ill just get a guitar on my bday. but ofcourse a affordable one. well, i might change my mind in the end. lol. for now , i have to concentrate on my O's, erm.. i'll try to. then FINISH IT ! and enjoy my next holiday. lol. wth am i talking abt , im having it all the the time. just that its superbly boring. geee. cant wait to hop into a new sch with new friends, new enviroment, new issues i'll have to cope with. yay! ..... but i still dont know which one i shld go. maybe nafa, maybe lasalle, maybe poly if i do well in O's which is kinda impossible or even worst, maybe ite. geeee. this is mind blowin' but i dont mind ite already. i mean.. a dip and a cert makes no difference, besides, i still can tranfer from ite nitec to poly. just that i'll waste another year. argh... just so excited for whats coming. it may be bad or good, but at least i can escape from serenity and boredom. okok , i type too much already. thats all for today. im out.

can anyone tell me why did i created thiss stupid blog again. firstly , im getting lazy to update already. secondly, i'm doing the same thing every week, what else can i type here ? last but not least, i think my blog looks like shit now. ugh, who gives a damn. i want TO HAVE MY OLD LIFE BACK!!!!!! i want somebody who likes playing pool , ps2 , bball just like i do. i want friends who are bored and free everyday so that we'll always be hanging ard and not knowing where to go, we just simply slack and enjoy it. im greedy i know, i want all my different kinds of friend back but... its impossible. phuuuu... im out.

time passes real fast for me this week. thats because im using every second of my precious time. im working , having tution and during my free time, bball. actually , this is how my life shld be gg. if i slack, i think alot and when that happens, i'll go extremly sad. then i'll start to hate myself and start writing stupid entries here again. said that , it doesnt mean i'm entirely over with the mood swings but not as much if im busy dealing with other things like work. how can i possibly stay sad when im talking to the customers, its just not the right attitude. during my free time , ill just go to the nearby court to shoot some ball. i dont know why but bball is the most efficient way to relax myself from stress. unfortunately... my only outdoor and bball nike shoe is going to wear off soon.. sign. where am i gg to get all the money to buy one new pair of shoes.. although ill be getting my pay soon, which is abt less than $200 i guess, i still have to return xw the $32 i owed him, my bills , daily needs and jess's bday share... sign.. why are u doing this to me god.. ugh, yea, i know, shoe's with me for at least 3 years.. so its time.. phuuu.
the start of a whole new week again.. as for tmr , ill be hanging ard with someone, not a girl..., surprisingly it's gonna be guoxiong. okok, i think i better stop before this whole webby hangs and ill have to write this whole piece of shit again. im out.

today was.. not as bad as i thought it will be. there's pretty much that ive done. i played my ps2 and basketball, done some of my homework, went to tution and talked with liern for awhile. haha, she told me that xw was kinda pissed off after we gave negative comments about his $600 specs.awww.. we didnt know we hurt u that much. but seriously, that kinda specs dont suit u at all but its your money. haha. besides this , we chat abt.. erm ,let me think.. the past, shatec, her new friends and .. argh, i cant recall all of them. but it was nice chatting with her. it has been long since we last seen each other, haha, and for goodness sake, shes just a block away from me. tmr, national day eh? but its none of my business. for all i know , im working at metro tmr. ugh, its gg to be a long and boring national day. cant wait for my payday. i really need some cash to ... erm.. cheer myself up? what the hell am i talking abt. geeee. i dont know whether to stick with my intrest or my future well-being, im talking abt the sch im gg next year. shld i register for art sch or shatec ? damn. monkey we're on the same boat. sign. but im so sick of the long and expensive trip to shatec. as for nafa or lasalle, its so much more nearer to my house. this is so mind blowing. kill me somebody. nah, im just kidding. i dont want to die yet. not now. there's much more i have yet to experience, like... being with someone i really love, having my own house , childrens , flying around the globe.. OK , im so off the tangent already. this year i just want to at least pass my Olevel maths and eng .. or at least one of them. alright. thats all for today. im out.

argh!!! fk!!!! its so f'ing noisy!!!!! oh my god. give me a break. its early in the morning. geee. those drilling and knocking is killing mua!!!! those contructor assclowns is so darn inconsiderate. nvm. knock and drill all you want because im already awake! great. what a start for the day.

this week im kinda buzy. ill be working for four days and the other days for my tution classes. my english oral is comming up real soon. hope i wont mess up again. the picture describing part, is the worst of all, its so stupid please. if its not for that part of oral, everyone will get a distinction. crap. THE BLOODY NOISE POLLUTION IS GONNA BLOW MY HEAD! if i have a gun , i'll shoot the crap out of them.

ugh.... too bad i dont have a gun. luckily i got to work later. just imagine where i can escape to if i got nothing else better to do. nobody can go out, nobody plays basketball or playstation.. aw... if only that gay willy is here. shiat! why didnt they approve his student pass!!!! WHY !!!! motherf'kers . alright.. too many bad bad words in this blog already. to all readers.. if there are, this blog is rated NC-16. so if you're below that horrible immatured age, simply click on the 'X' at your top right hand side. if you cant find it, press ctrl , alt and delete all at the same time then go make yourself a pair of ugly specs so u can spot the 'X' easily next time. IF.. all the above aint working for you , underage kiddo, please smash , kick , punch ,hammer, headbutt or run it over with a car.

OK! im lame. i gotta go bath then leave my bloody noisy house. im sooo out.

you know what. i shld stop being a loser.. a sorrow sadist.. im always being so pessimistic. i shld try cheering up myself. this is not the end of the world jw you big time asshole, you still got lots more ahead of you, why surrender to depression or sadness now? argh, look, you shld be happy that u have enough clothes and food , i mean your standard of life is great compared to those pitiful childrens in africa. you have friends and your mom who cares and concerns abt u.. you shld be... i mean .. im so much more fortunate than so many others.. sign. i think this aint helping. think i better go down and shoot so ball. im out.

yea. my newly created bloggy. shweet har ?.. dont think so. here is where i truly express my feelings and thoughts, bla bla bla. guess everyone knows that. pathetic.

man.. my best friend, side kick , mate .. brother..asshole, went back to shanghai not long ago. Leaving me here in this small lil pathetic island all alone. what a jackass. nvm, he got to do what he need to. well,just hope he wont get attracted by those black gay men in america.

so.. yesterday was gx's birthday. we actually had quite alot of fun, or maybe its just because i kept making fun of myself.. im such a fool. erm.. so it started out like this, we first met at east coast for no reason at all then walked to pw. had steamboat and a few games of pool there. we went back at abt 130am i think. oh yea, xw is such a pussy, he actually want to cheat $2 more from me. you see, i owed him juleen's bday share $20, a movie ticket $8 and another $4 for the pool game. add them up together and you'll get? $32 ? smart. buta, he said that i owed him $34. argh~ now im the pussy here. its just $2 for goodness sake. anyway, ill return him as soon as i get my pay.

alright.now that williams gone and left with me is only a few dollars, life's really gg to be a byetch. sign. i think im gg to have depression soon. im always talking to myself lately because i got no one to talk to? and when i meet up with friends, i become so darn talkative and fake. fake as in im actually not that happy. hahaha. im pathetic. trying to tell everyone here that im actually unhappy but trying to be happy in front of them all the f'ing time. so damn hypocritical. dont even know if i use that word correctly, im so dumb. but for those who are reading, u know what i mean. lame-o. think our next outing will not come any sooner and that totally sux. i really dont want to talk to myself everyday like a mad dog. arghhh. this serenity and boredom is so gonna kill me anytime. geee. what a long first entry i typed here. better stop here for now. im out.