sigh. first all the good things. now the bad. if theres really a god, he sure is punishing me now. it has only been a few days since i sign on a thousand plus hdtv. ofcourse i wont just buy it for fun because i already got one at home. ps3 needs a hdmi output which only hdtvs were capable of. so thats the reason. although i did save a partial part of my money for backup. ive just realised that i shld at least wait until my sch starts. now tht my mum has some bad news after the meeting at her workplace, i really feel bad abt spending the money. i really dont know. its nt like i regretted buying that tv cause its what i really want in my own room, just tht whats happening now made me know tht i shld always wait until im really ready to get what i want. so what i can do now, is to delay the date of getting the ps3. i know.. i shld kill the idea of getting it already, but tht freaking tv tht cost so much will then be useless. guess ill have to work at the same time when im studying to save up more money. phuuuuuuuuu. alright. hope my mum will find a solution to her problem soon.

I WILL BE AN ANIMATOR. wahahaha. moving image at tp. what ive always dream of since young,is to make my own picture move =..='' LOL! tsk tsk tsk. yet , im still worried abt my future with my ability ill soon gain. nvm . ill work hard. n create my own ANIMATION..... okok. i think too much liao.

All thanks to monkey actually. what shld i say? shes the one who told me abt the jae result, the one who check for me on net, the one who saw it first and the one to congratulate me first. hha. thanks bud. well well, i really hope this is what ive always wanted. wow. animation.. really cool thing to learn. haha. okok. think thats abt it. just want to thanks this wei da de wee wee once again. happy ? lol. till nxt time then.

ive just finished watching the dvd i borrowed home yesterday. its a chinese movie called happy birthday. it is really touching. my initial thought of the movie was.. boring. but , yea , iwas wrong, it's a great movie. in some way, it affected me alil. in a wierd way i guess. i dont know how to explain but its like the movie actually made me wanna think of some past relationship which ended up tragically.. but .. I DONT HAVE ANY. except, some one sided love kinda thinggy. well, use to have this habit of looking at some of my junk i kept only to myself in my personal drawer, its been so long since ive opened it, so i just wanna check if insects have move in to it. haha. we sure changed alot by looking at the old photos. sad thing is... those junks related to some ppl or some part of my memory ... just reminds me the useless, stupid jwn i use to be n... how hurt i was. yet i still treasure'em along with some sadness and alil of happiness i use to have. god, this is so fucking gay. sigh. i better nt take a look back anymore, it kills me. have to get some brainwash. im out.

wooaa ow. cny ended so fast, i mean day 1-2. ha, cause .. to me cny's actually this short. although it holds up to 15days. i guess, everyone feels the same too. i really miss the days of how i spend my cny. without fail, ill always visit he pan, ''near that durian''. yea.. but things change, u know. he pan.. to me is no longer as important already. or maybe its nt as fun either. especially when theres nothing to ride on or be with one to enjoy. one by one, all gone. friends n exciting rides for example. well, its ok.

day 1
nothing particular to mention actually. wahhahah. just the normal procedures everyone.. , i mean the chinese, would do. so we'll just skip this. lol

day 2
ok, we visted my mum's eldest sister '' last stop ''. n everyone was there. no, its something bad. damn awkward. geee. everyone had their little group. u know? the aunties, then the uncles , then the big sisters.lets forget abt the big brothers, geee. they look like some kinda robot or something, just sit there and day dream. therefore this leads to the conclusion.. of me joining them, pathetic, BUT at least i fidget a little here and there. they dont even move, not a single muscle!argh, maybe they study too much. infact, i think my task every year on cny , simple, just to collect hong bo's. haha. i dont mind anyway. so after that me n mum went orchard to catch protege. super duper awkward too. its like im the only guy with mother there. lol. but who gives a damn.anyway it ended up well since my mum was so much less naggy and the movie, i'll give it 3 stars. oh yea. i missed out one important part. guess who i saw today? one guy , one girl. guy, victor, girl, joyce. wow. haha. they're the one who spotted me first. one reason i like abt cny, everyone seems to be so nice. god. ok, thats abit it.

n.. tmr ill be back to that same old place again. boring~ right,n i really really wanna watch the epic movie, gee. i think its gonna be hilarious.... and stupid. i love stupid movies. haha. but theres no way im watching it alone. so who shall be my victim.muahahahah . lame.argh but i guess i wont find anyone to watch it with me. since, i have insufficient friends.FACT. NVM. i can always buy the dvd. =..='' ok. 5 mins more to bed. have to clean my mouth. so..next time.

i got my results already. its ... far from what i expected it to be. well, i must say that there may be a guardian angel , a lazy one, who finally did her job. thank you. but.. i dont know why, something else i really want, still... sigh, maybe its because that particular day is arriving that made me feel this way. boy, that day... is gg to be a tough one.. what really made me upset or rather disappointed was actually because... it was suppose to be a turn around for me but it ended up to be nothing... at all. i dont blame u but myself, for thinking too much.

you shld have just said no..... and walk away.
leaving me behind like u were never there.
no..
i shldnt have even ask.
im dumb , im crap.
miracle's just a word
for losers like me.

my dearest blog.. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE. its a brand new year, but nth seems to be moving to the right track. oh c'mon. havent u torture me enuffff, oh mighty gooddd? its gonna be like this again for the year. n I'LL DIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im just kidding... I'LL SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! most likely to the state of craziness. arghhhhhhhhh. help me , somebody ~~~~~ im just overly exaggerating here. i dont even know if that sounds right. fuck. who cares. no fucking soul is gonna mark this piece of shit anyway. OKAY. life goes on.

its still the same, work work work . it kills..alil. the good thing is, i get to see movies for free... .....
... FUCK, didnt i noted that on my previous entries. skip that. ok... yesh~ my results are comming. and my sixth sense tells me that IM GG TO FUCKING PASSSSSSS. it better. and then ill go to any polytechnic and start a BRAND NEW LIFE THERE. wow. im seeing it already. IN MY SQUISHY SLIMY BRAIN , ofcourse. its still an image i want to be in. fuck fuck fuck fuck. geee. oh gosh , just look at how many FUCKs i have used on this entry, today must be a FUCKED UP DAY. no its nt that bad actually. ARGH. mad man typing. me. and he's gonna sleep soon. THIS IS SO FUCKING LAME. WORST BLOG ON THE NET. GO AWAY. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

my dearest blog. ive just found out that your are the only thing i can come to when ever i... feel like im the only soul living on this pathetic planet. im losing to it. i have admit that im trying , always trying, very hard to look on the bright side but its just not working anymore. all the fake laughs and smile, im tired of pretending. isit that im always like this when im at home, i think too much? i dont think so. people working with always have ppl arnd, either when its on their off or after work. they got so many friends, and one thats younger then me have a life that ive wanted it in mine. a human mind complicates things, one moment im writing an entry that im actually over it , the next thing i know it, im into that f'ked up situation again. always like this for me. i feel like a loser whenever ppl at work talk abt their past relationships, present ones, whatever, haha, n what? i have had only one rl, and maybe that doesnt even fucking count. geee. i know, everyone's equal in same way. but maybe god left me out. fuck. i feel terrible. mums right. why am i watching dvds everyday, have i got nth else i to do. like go out? have fun? stop staying at home looking at every electronic screens there is in the house? i wish i could. i wish ... too much. maybe thats why i dont get a single shit i wished for, at all. alright, at least 2/4 of what i kept in me has been released if not ill end up in mental hosp real soon.. thanks to u my only .. whatever, blog.

fk new year's eve. welcome.. whatevers comming. alright, i sure feel alot better now. haha. alright. that previous entry i typed was seriously crappy. i hate being sad i hate being that 'oh, poor guy'. fk that. so what if ny's eve was shit. maybe.. just maybe..sigh, something good's gonna happen to me since ive got hit by all kinds of shit already. hai, i just want to be alil bit happier. its always bad thinking of the worse when you're already an unhappy person. woah. i feel like a matured grown man now. wahahah. lame. at least im nt that pessimistic already.

at first, it was... terrible. this was the first time i felt so alone. i found out that.. keng was right, i have too little friends arnd me , how he know that? just by looking at the contacts i have in my phone.ha.. and right,i depend too much on'em. its nobody's fault. they have their love ones to celebrate with. and ill do the same. i was so desperate, so eager to find someone who will actually hang out with me on new year's eve. there's one.. but after last than an hour i know we shouldnt stick arnd any longer; she was so much more closer with her friend and they'll somehow leave when the movie starts, its better that i walk off until i feel left out.still i thank her for acc me for that lil while. then, i walk arnd alone. sat down somewhere nobody would walk by. after awhile, i tot that it isint that bad actually. things wouldnt have turn out better even if i were to meet up with the rest. cause i was the one who asked'em out who than ended up with nothing we can do; some have to go home early anyway.. i cant believe its now a new year. i really hope.. this will not continue like this, continue like im...so bad like this now. sigh. having off on new years day. not a very good thing after all, guys at mj.ha. ppl there dont even know i have a blog.. im not a poor guy saying to all that even enter to my blog that say's '' hey, im so pathetic and i need someone'' well, yea, i need some but not until u read this. , just trying to let off something here. if not ill burst.

yea, i have friends. but..

gee. how can i be using the com when im 15mins to work. damn. anyway. todays xmas. wow. and im still working. poor poor jiewen. at least ill get to celebrate new year's eve. phew. god's not that bad to me. ha. whoosh~ and one year's gone. brand new one ahead. pls pls pls. a better one next year. i beg of u god. haha. i feel like getting a dvd player for myself. since its xmas. and nobody has one for me. still considering. okok. better log off now. or else my supervisor will nag the hell out of me.

its still raining. i stoned at home the whole damn day. i felt this loneliness but i have friends. why? it just dont make any sense. im gg crazy.. i keep lots to myself. too much of it.

woke up at 1.30pm. and its 7.34 now. its gg so fast that i cant believe it. i dont feel life anymore. yes, i go work, laughs; im just faking it, nobody knows, i go out, just so that i feel that im still breathing and theres still ppl arnd me; i feel my presence but its gone the next day i wake up. am i still myself. am i? its fading away.

i cant wait to go to a new enviroment. meet new ppl. get out of the hell am in now. but i fear the same cycle again.when i see people connected to each other that close.. i cant help it but hate myself, why cant something like this happen to me. am i too impatient , desperate to gain what i dont have. or just to fill in whats empty. crap. im so screwed.

having read the entry above. i think im really crazy. what the f' am i even typing here.

wow.chatting with monkey now. she and her boy have been together for 8mths already. haha.. isint that like .. loooong. but to me... its just like ive been thru only a week or so. ive been thru nothing but empty , bore and stupid life. who can i blame it to. myself ofcourse. geee. typical moodswings again. alright. all i want is .. ahh. forget it. haha.. whats the use of talking trash when i dont have a magical lamp. my life's like the ever rolling toilet paper , all i'll see is just pieces of white paper connected with another. argh. now thats lame. fuck. nvm.

hear new. see new. feel new. nokia n73. ya. i got it. actually. nothing 'new' about it. haha. cause its just like my previous 7610. just that the cam's really superb. for everything else. just the same. its not that bad actually. i wont have to go thru all the ' get use to it ' period. well. i really have nothing much to update again. lol. cause its the same everyday. i work. i watch movies i borrowed home. i sleep. i eat. nothing else. what do u expect? i spend almost all my time in the mph. sigh. life's just... so.. nothing. really.

yesh .im getting the n73 sooooon. real soon. actually. probably next week. lol. finally. i can get rid that old 3310. haha. but.. seriously, its the most durable phone ever. it has been with me for arnd 4years. geee. 3310 never says die. erm. actually i have nothing else to talk about alrdy. haha. well. thats it for today.

haha. today. was really cool. woke up at 10am. finished watching those dvds i borrowed at 2pm. then met up with monkey at sch to retrieve her art piece and my cert. and guess what. i came back with nothing. cause mr tan was not arnd and i didnt bring my ic. what kinda shit is that. nvm. then we met up with blacky and went striaght to pw. did a magic trick to'em which i obviously failed at pasta mania. haha. lastly , haha... kbox again. what else. had fun there. at least to me it was. haha. alright. im late. i shld be sleeping already. MEET UP AGAIN NEXT TIME ARRRRR. lol. im out.

w-oh w-oh w-oh. time really flies like superman when u work. look? its already 22nd. erm.. isit? argh. oh yah, im working but not at as a promoter under guess watches anymore. so sick of counting watches day and night. thousands of'em!!! can u imagine how tiring and dumb it is.
but .. sigh.. the pay's like damn lil. oh yea. i havent mention where im working at. MJ.. yea. music junction. the only reason im there is because its at pw. just a 5mins walk and poof! im there. real fast. and after a few days of getting use of ' selling watches to cds ' , i realised that i didnt make the wrong choice. its real cool. and pretty relaxing though the long hours. well.. thats not it. i get to take home any kinds of cds home. haha. thats so damn awesome. since i used to borrow movies there.. wasted damn lot of money on it too.. and now , wah la , its all freaking free. yet.. i dont know if i can handle working so many hours like this for long, i've got horrible breakouts all of sudden. fuck! chill chill. phuuuuuuuuuuu. but thats the only pathetic thing i worry now. not that bad. it will heal as time goes. it better! sigh. skin problem's always troubling me. fuck! oh there goes that word again. alright. thats all for now.

yay ~ paper one was OK today. phew... but er.... i fucking made a careless mistake on the probabilty sum. fuck. lol. nvm that. let me see. careless mistakes + sums that i skipped would probably total up to 20 marks... okok. oh might god.. all i ask for is to get at least .. AT LEAST 55-60/80. please please please. i dont wanna fail my maths again.

ok. as y'all know. i just got a new mp3. now.. i need to get a new phone. anyway. theres lots of bad comments and feedbacks on the nokia n73.. so.. its out. i'm now deciding on either samsung ulra 9.9/12.9 or sony ericsson's cybershot phone k800i. although it is kinda obvious that sony's got a better quality in camera yet it's no match to samsung's sleek design. appearance??? or.. quality??? argh... which one. damn it! wait a min... samsung's got quite a few of negative comments too. cause im blogging and surfing the web at the same time, you see. geee. it says on the website, that it has a poor battery life. erm... okok. nokia's problem is the hangs and lags. samsung's, the battery life. sony's? NON? how is that possible. lol. something is wrong with this webby. think i'll have to do more research before buying a new phone. lol. im out.

she's not online today. so its kinda awkward.. although we havent got to know each other really well yet, its really nice to have her on msn. our usual practice , yahoo pooling or drawing , simple games like that could be alot more fun when you're playing with her. haha. and ya.. shes just my online friend. well.. also the only one i added since jeraldine. really hope to know you better happyjie. lol. dont know if she'll read this or not. i guess not? haha

anyway. i bought this samsung mp3 that i fancy alot recently. its really unique and cool. its in black, very very blaack. has a touch-sensitive screen and ofcourse the feature that caught my attention when i first saw it on net. the ''slide and tlit'' hidden speaker. so.. erm.. i've been using it for 2days and everything's quite smooth. nothing bad to point out. maybe just the easily smudge screen. you know... i hate dirts or prints on my gadgets. but its inevitable though. u cant expect me to wipe the mp3 each time i use it. its mind blowin' oh ya, the earphones are one of a kind. really. its so... wierd looking. but that explains the powerful sound quality. it has a 4gb one but i thought that was too much for me so i chose the 2gb one which cost at $308. geee. the box was so small.. they actually managed to squeeze all of the accesorries in it. i was pretty disappointed that it didnt inlcude a pouch. well. but it aint a big deal. so now that i have a sleek and cool mp3 player. i can get myself a cheaper handphone on dec.

i cant wait for my exams to end. then i can go out with the animals-i hope, and many other friends. im so desperate to sing. so kbox is a definate. and the next thing ill do after that is to get a new jobby-i hope too. if not, ill just stay put in my current jobby. geee. wanted this entry to be a short one but look at it now.. okok. till next time then. im out ~

you look at me.
i laugh.
i joke.
i'm happy
i look at myself in the mirror.
i hate.
i despise.
i'm sad.

i have no faith in myself anymore.

=( !!!! my mum don't wanna sign a new contract with singtel... that means i'll have to pay the retail price for the freaking phone i want. F--K~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ sigh. i dont really blame her actually. $19.90 a month? thats really too much. besides she don't really need a handphone so what for get a new line. but im really upset because i cant get a new phone right away. and guess what ? since i sold my 7610. i'll have to use back that old... dying... piece of crap... 3100. yet, this piece of crap stayed with me for 4years... its darn powerfull man. if you guys realise this. phone now adays got so many problems. at first.. its all good and new. then after a few months of using it. it starts screaming '' IM SICK . BRING ME TO THE SERVICE CENTRE '' this kinda crap. yet.. i cant stand bringing this powerfull 3100 out. its really embarrassing. argh. so damn vexed now. phuuuuuuuuuu. or should i just get a cheap phone. save up the $500 and buy a XBOX !!!!!!! but... i'll have to sell my ps2. if not my mum will start nagging about having too many consoles and not concentrating on my studies bla bla bla. aiya. think i'll just save up $200 more to get a n73 without contract. but not now. will only do that after the price dropssssssssss. im out.