Its weird why i only think of my blog every time when im really down, have no where to go. it's been a long time since im back here. well, it just feels like a min ago i had everything and now im not sure if i even have any left. thing is im really not sure of anything anymore. things happen for a reason and in the end u can only blame urself.

why cant i make ppl really happy even when i try so hard, be a person someone would go "I'm so lucky to have you!" or maybe thats abit of a overstatement... sigh. its been so long since i last blog..

dear blog, i once rely so much on you, shared all my real feelings to you, now even u feel like a stranger to me.

I'M MISSING ONE LETTER. plese understnd the spelling errors.

it's been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo dmn bloody long since I lst did this. I'm sorry, just hve something else better to do ll the time. nywys, i'm not relly bck to blogging, just something of joy in my hert tht i wnt to express.

It hs been tiring since my lst project in school n now, not ny better, worse in fct. cuse i'm working. nothing gret bout it. work is work. s for pssion, well. thts wht i'm gonn tlk bout. something is greter thn pssion now. n tht is love. relly. I relized tht nothing bets it. fmily love. buddy love. n love love.

sounds like lot of people but relly theres only three.

fmily love = mum

buddy love = wee

love love = b

you think 7 dys in one week is too lil, wit till you work.

i just wnt to sy, im sorry when I disappoint but nyhows...

here is mother tht i'll lwys respect nd tresure

here is true friend tht is hrd to find nd styed unlike others

here is the love of my life tht i wnt to protect nd pmper, never wnt to lose.

it's ll tht i need.

love you ll.

jake's blog is officially dying. Probably breathing rapidly for its last. I really lost passion in all online chores. Facebook, msn and blogging seem to tire me alot. I probably will reboot the whole thing again if I blog with pictures. Thing is. I got nothing to take with. 2.0mp camera on my phone is not really motivating. I am bored to death. I feel like I've lost all passion for awhile.

It's scary, really. I mean how can I want to do so many things at the same time yet feel like doing nothing at all. I told myself, ok, thats it. I am going to rest after fyp. In my room, on my bed, I sat there watching my tv of the movies I downloaded. I enjoy some. Then I felt wasted after 10mins. I say, why not finish my fyp, I opened my editing software and then I give a long long let out "geeeeeeeeeeeeee..." n I closed it within my next blink.

The only thing that I'll never be sick of is making b happy. But that, I'm not very good at. Yet she can always count on me when she needs me. Ahhhh, my only joy. She doesn't know just a extra laugh triggered by me really, really makes my day. Sometimes I wish the only thing that can make her happy is me. But well, can never rid selfish thoughts from human minds. Just want to say, I'm glad we're going smooth and what is ahead will be better. Because you know I'll work extra harder for you. =)

Okay, this is a rather depressing night. I'll shall go watch another movie before think of jumping off the window. I live on the second floor by the way.

Alright.

Good night n ilu.

jake has very bad flu now

because 10mins ago

he was bathing

half way thru he remembered

he forgotten to bring his phone along

and he thought he heard ringing

so he took his towel

ran out

checked the phone

no calls.

he stoned in disappointment

for another 10.

jake has very bad flu now

and have not touch the

newly bought resident evil 5

because.

because. =(

I MISS MY GIRLFRIEND SO BADLY =(((((

no mood no mood no mood for anything.

not even for movies. game. or even sitting down doing nothing

I MISS YOU BETTY YEO!!!

I feel so terrible to always have muffin asking me to blog. Seems like guys really ain't the blogger types. But at least I have one of my own. haha. My girl always have ways in her words. Like how she confess about her angers and mood swings that have affected not just her but me =( but just a simple entry like that makes all that I dwell upon fade away. This is why I always keep a strong heart when we're faced with problems because at the end it always ends with smiling eyes and a warm hug.

I am overwhelmingly happy that she talked about connecting back with God again somehow. Just gives me a peace of us going through all the impossibles and the road ahead of us together. So many many things that can ruin a relationship. Money, dreams, discontentment, jealousy, satisfaction and what so ever. But really, before we got together, I always pray to God, about her, about us, most of the time. Its really bad. Because it's not about us, it's about our relationship with just Him. but God knows when your heart is distracted and filled with so many worries that you want him to clear away. And guess what he did. Back then, muffin was really sick and we're always having issues getting together, so I just kept repeating to him, heal her from all her pain and let us be together and have peace.. I am willingly wait and to give. And frankly speaking, both of us together, haha, we're really not holy enough. But then, we have faith. Thats why the fire is still burning on that melting candle. And with faith, God does not give up on us. Today, her post is like one of my prayers answered. I said to Him '' I don't have the power to bring her back to you cause i'm not as strong yet but you have the power and I know you will. Please guide me and her and let our love be part of your blessing and let it last as long as we live. geee. i sound so epic and lil mushy gross again. sigh but yea. when i pray, i'm pretty epic. But I mean every word. =)

So yea, i'm still getting on my feet, walking with Him, alongside with you. please dont give up on me when you fall. Because every time you fall, I look up and I pray. And then I give all I have just to reach out for you. So be patient with me kay. I'm glad his watching over us. Because today I feel the peace. =) Be patient with me.

Shit... this is a really long entry. Better go bathe, call you back and get back to work. =P Love you.

Hoho! [one of b's favorite word when she's amazed]. hahahha. yes, finally had a lil break to blog a lil. been really really packed and busy lately. my poor lil girls sick, must be all the over works with me. never feel bad of me taking care of you alright? i want to be there, every sec, every day for you if i can, even if you're not sick. whenever you miss me. i want to be there. haha. n i really cant do without a hug from you everyday betty yeo. love you so much!

for my only buddy. i'm sorry ive been such an asshole. things might have changed, but i'm not someone who will let the old good days just pass like that. i miss the chillings in the old days and awesome long dinners =)

I had to do something really really really stupid for betty yeo shi mee yesterday ;not gonna say what i did, but it was because she was upset with my previous post. She said it was pathetically short and meaningless compared to hers so therefore! I am going to retype one more just for her =D.

SO...

when she first knew me, i was like all knowledgeable and awesome because of my works in school. but now, almost every sentence of hers has a 'you stupid or what' in it. LOL. Almost all the time she bites and slaps me when shes stress or just so she can hear the 'piak!' sound or see the bite marks. i do miss the times when i was still "Jake" that tall guy that attracted her just by a little. But I miss her even more now when shes not around although i see her almost every single day, calling me "Nam" a guy now clumsy and stupid to her yet loves so much more. =D

There are times when we're just tired and in complete silence, these are the times when i look at her carefully. I see not only the girl I love but someone so responsible, loving and caring. Sure there are times when she is tired of things, taking care of the whole family and so independently solving her own problems. She deserves a rest and so much more. I can't even imagine myself in her place. B, you're really amazing. Many times, she throws her small tempers on me;well i can be really stupid at some stuff but i will always just take it in because at least now when shes upset, tired and frustrated, I am there for here to vent alittle fire in her heart. =) that is why of all people, she i can take all the heat from. Even if I get angry, I always try to take it easy, not because I'm scared to offend her but it's because she really deserves a let out. Best part is she always hugs me after that. awwwww.

The first time I see her doing her housework, I was in awe. From mopping, cooking, cleaning to tidying. Every single thing to be done in the house... God, I just want to help her. Or at least be around. To be frank, I am seriously lazy at home. Aside my room, I dont really care much about the other stuff at home but now when I see cloths not folded, dishes not washed, ill do them. That's when I miss her too. HAHAHAHA. pardon the mushy-ness

I use to nag and complain to God why that someone just dont come. That was since 5 years ago. I'm not looking for a girl, not looking for a pretty face, not looking for someone hot. i'm looking for someone that I really love and someone that loves me too. And when you love someone that much, that person is the prettiest and the most attractable but still you are really pretty! Even the imperfections/venerability becomes something of a close connection only you and the person dare share. That is what i have with her and what i treasure more than anything.

And above all that I have said, especially the bites and the slaps.

Every part of you I love and Every time of yours I want to share. =D

God always listen to your prayers. Just have to be patient and wait for the time to come.

Like i always say to you. Really want to see us go all the way till we're wrinkly and fat.

Days with

Muffin

Yeo

We yearn to see each other

everyday.

Now, we

yearn for a hug each day X)

dont kill me when u come back. XD

HAHAHA. i really dont know what to say but

really pictures tells alot more right. =..=''.

my friend just laughed at me and said that this

is damn cheesy but ya. WAHHAHA. dont get married to

a cow there man. come back soon. ill miss hanging out. =)

i love my new phone

its not expensive.

it only has 2mp camera.

it is not better than my old phone

BUT

it is alot faster

it has a cooler interface than my old phone

it has a better music player

it is super light

it is damn friendly-user

and above all else

my mum bought it =)

today i went for one of my cousins wedding dinner. tell you the truth i still feel that my mum and i, we're just out of place. And I always feel that her other sisters are actually kinda looking down on her at times, or otherwise pitying her. actually.. i will too. i realized much diff my mum and her sisters have. they look so vibrant and proud of their family, their children smart and steady, like they have everything and my mum although still smiling...yet not abit did that hide away her tired dull face. compared to her sisters, most who are her elder ones, she looked so much older and weaker. As the only son, I feel... really really incapable. I feel useless and helpless that my mum couldn't live a better life like her other sisters. and it is only now, recently that i try to reach out for her and love her not just inwards but outwards.

yet, of all the downsides i think of myself, i felt the strength and the confidence God gave me today. i feel like i will make my mum happy and proud in the near future. and the next time we visit our relatives, it will be different, she will look better, stronger, happier and be proud of her hard work she has put in to make this family work, to support me and mould me into someone she will want to see in. this for sure, will not have happened if i did not go to church and learn of the word of god. the change came from there. i use to be a free thinker. talking about logics and how much i think sometimes god is just a wild imagination. but now i think otherwise. i feel the presence of him. moulding me. changing me. yes, i have changed. but it is a good change.

Doubt is powerful, it can make you wonder and change your perspective of thinking endlessly. Trust, also is yet another powerful, gives you nothing more but peace.

went to church several times and this is the third time God has impacted me with his words, through bible study or today's sermon or even just probably me thinking about how great he is gave me understanding and strength i've never had. feels like another break through for me. haha. well, i myself cant believe i have typed all this. but truly, things i dont understand i am finally understanding. So I just want to thank you lord for all. you have touched me. =)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

I have come that

they may have life,
and have it to the full.
- John 10:10

I can't wait for this movie.

haha. since someone said my posts are too emo. Ive decided to post this online

cause it really made me laugh a lil. the baby is just really.... lol.

Revelation

that night of despair

in the wilderness

abandoned and helpless

he cries where nobody hears

what he call love wavers

what he trusted in falters

what is there left he asked...

then a soothing voice came

and led him to a place

where he found once again

the things he lost...

a trust so well kept

and a love never so unwavering.

the night falls again

and his mind as clear as water.

21st

BIRTHDAY

simple yet the best =)

seriously, i didn't really expect my 21st to be a huge ass party or those sort but I do hope for a change.and yes, there is a change =) huge change. Every time I celebrate my birthday with wee, jul & jess,I just feel that although we don't always meet up but at least we're always there for each other and especially for wee and i. We get closer and closer as friend or buddy as the years pass by. It is something that I am proud of. To have a friend like her. And frankly speaking, I really treasure my friendship with you wee. It is through so much problem that we realized that what is unshaken and will always be there is our friendship eh? =) haha. you're the best of the best wee. oh! and I just have to say, juleen, the card

really came as a shock. HAHA. its something sweet. thankyou~

Not to say, this year i finally got to celebrate my bday with someone who stole my heart. =)

b, I can see that you try to give your very best and it is the best! haha. I love the presents and the pleasant surprises. I love the fact that you are there when the clock hits 12 and it is just a blessing that I have you by my side. you're amazing and i love you =)

...and for all the friends who were there. THANK YOU so much. happy bday to you too SHOLLEH! =D

with it flash before my eyes

i still stood where my feet lies

never have i been so lifted

and at the same time so lost

my bottle is half filled for...

you are my runaway answer.

life is beautiful if you believe in god.

I am tired of internship. really really bored with it. i find no purpose to wake up early just to end up trying really hard to find something to do like i'm desperate for it. things that... well, has really nothing much to do with my course. for instance. making coffee. which i do lesser now but nonetheless i feel like theres so much more that i can be. but yest. b kinda enlightened me with words that ive once told her "internship is about shit jobs and you just have digest it and get it over with". yea. I hate it when I predict the right things.

i have never been happier

never been feel life's meaning right until now... =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKMs0Ubam_w

"...the last time god lost faith in us, he sent a flood. This time, he send angels..."

she "prayed" to the cake for at least 2mins

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!

it is pretty funny how i think this is the first time in close to 21 years of my life that i am celebrating my mum's bday. i decided to make spaghetti for my mum along with mushroom soup. Something simple. B bought flowers for my mum. She plucked out all the thorns on the roses before giving it to her. so SWEET. never fail to make me =). she was really encouraging, making sure this day will be special for her. and it was. we also took pictures with B's polaroid camera.

it was simple

it was just the three of us

it was nothing fanciful

it didn't cost alot

but it was the best...

a day my mum have always dreamed of.

and a scene that ive always imagined.

a scene of having a dinner with the ones that i loved. like a family.

never seen her smile and laugh like this. so real...

i know you will say that it's all because of me

but still...

thank you b.