my dearest blog. ive just found out that your are the only thing i can come to when ever i... feel like im the only soul living on this pathetic planet. im losing to it. i have admit that im trying , always trying, very hard to look on the bright side but its just not working anymore. all the fake laughs and smile, im tired of pretending. isit that im always like this when im at home, i think too much? i dont think so. people working with always have ppl arnd, either when its on their off or after work. they got so many friends, and one thats younger then me have a life that ive wanted it in mine. a human mind complicates things, one moment im writing an entry that im actually over it , the next thing i know it, im into that f'ked up situation again. always like this for me. i feel like a loser whenever ppl at work talk abt their past relationships, present ones, whatever, haha, n what? i have had only one rl, and maybe that doesnt even fucking count. geee. i know, everyone's equal in same way. but maybe god left me out. fuck. i feel terrible. mums right. why am i watching dvds everyday, have i got nth else i to do. like go out? have fun? stop staying at home looking at every electronic screens there is in the house? i wish i could. i wish ... too much. maybe thats why i dont get a single shit i wished for, at all. alright, at least 2/4 of what i kept in me has been released if not ill end up in mental hosp real soon.. thanks to u my only .. whatever, blog.

fk new year's eve. welcome.. whatevers comming. alright, i sure feel alot better now. haha. alright. that previous entry i typed was seriously crappy. i hate being sad i hate being that 'oh, poor guy'. fk that. so what if ny's eve was shit. maybe.. just maybe..sigh, something good's gonna happen to me since ive got hit by all kinds of shit already. hai, i just want to be alil bit happier. its always bad thinking of the worse when you're already an unhappy person. woah. i feel like a matured grown man now. wahahah. lame. at least im nt that pessimistic already.