at first, it was... terrible. this was the first time i felt so alone. i found out that.. keng was right, i have too little friends arnd me , how he know that? just by looking at the contacts i have in my phone.ha.. and right,i depend too much on'em. its nobody's fault. they have their love ones to celebrate with. and ill do the same. i was so desperate, so eager to find someone who will actually hang out with me on new year's eve. there's one.. but after last than an hour i know we shouldnt stick arnd any longer; she was so much more closer with her friend and they'll somehow leave when the movie starts, its better that i walk off until i feel left out.still i thank her for acc me for that lil while. then, i walk arnd alone. sat down somewhere nobody would walk by. after awhile, i tot that it isint that bad actually. things wouldnt have turn out better even if i were to meet up with the rest. cause i was the one who asked'em out who than ended up with nothing we can do; some have to go home early anyway.. i cant believe its now a new year. i really hope.. this will not continue like this, continue like im...so bad like this now. sigh. having off on new years day. not a very good thing after all, guys at mj.ha. ppl there dont even know i have a blog.. im not a poor guy saying to all that even enter to my blog that say's '' hey, im so pathetic and i need someone'' well, yea, i need some but not until u read this. , just trying to let off something here. if not ill burst.

yea, i have friends. but..

gee. how can i be using the com when im 15mins to work. damn. anyway. todays xmas. wow. and im still working. poor poor jiewen. at least ill get to celebrate new year's eve. phew. god's not that bad to me. ha. whoosh~ and one year's gone. brand new one ahead. pls pls pls. a better one next year. i beg of u god. haha. i feel like getting a dvd player for myself. since its xmas. and nobody has one for me. still considering. okok. better log off now. or else my supervisor will nag the hell out of me.

its still raining. i stoned at home the whole damn day. i felt this loneliness but i have friends. why? it just dont make any sense. im gg crazy.. i keep lots to myself. too much of it.

woke up at 1.30pm. and its 7.34 now. its gg so fast that i cant believe it. i dont feel life anymore. yes, i go work, laughs; im just faking it, nobody knows, i go out, just so that i feel that im still breathing and theres still ppl arnd me; i feel my presence but its gone the next day i wake up. am i still myself. am i? its fading away.

i cant wait to go to a new enviroment. meet new ppl. get out of the hell am in now. but i fear the same cycle again.when i see people connected to each other that close.. i cant help it but hate myself, why cant something like this happen to me. am i too impatient , desperate to gain what i dont have. or just to fill in whats empty. crap. im so screwed.

having read the entry above. i think im really crazy. what the f' am i even typing here.

wow.chatting with monkey now. she and her boy have been together for 8mths already. haha.. isint that like .. loooong. but to me... its just like ive been thru only a week or so. ive been thru nothing but empty , bore and stupid life. who can i blame it to. myself ofcourse. geee. typical moodswings again. alright. all i want is .. ahh. forget it. haha.. whats the use of talking trash when i dont have a magical lamp. my life's like the ever rolling toilet paper , all i'll see is just pieces of white paper connected with another. argh. now thats lame. fuck. nvm.

hear new. see new. feel new. nokia n73. ya. i got it. actually. nothing 'new' about it. haha. cause its just like my previous 7610. just that the cam's really superb. for everything else. just the same. its not that bad actually. i wont have to go thru all the ' get use to it ' period. well. i really have nothing much to update again. lol. cause its the same everyday. i work. i watch movies i borrowed home. i sleep. i eat. nothing else. what do u expect? i spend almost all my time in the mph. sigh. life's just... so.. nothing. really.