you know that feeling when you can't move on even when you know theres still many things in your life that awaits you. sometimes i really think its no big deal. bud says that i got to be positive, its not like the world ended. truth is i do agree with her. truth is i don't feel anything.. until.. flashes of memories hit me without me knowing. its as though the tap is loose and the water keeps dripping down. i hate it because... i want to be strong. i don't want to be weak. but why can't i hold my tears back. when it flows, my heart feel stabs to it. I look you.. you wanted to move on and you did. i know its hard for you but you are strong, you have to be.. you try to enjoy what you can now without me.. you are nonetheless moving on..

i want to... i told you, you have to. so i have to let you go.. i thought it will work.. but it has been a week. i laugh with friends, i break down after, i eat as per normal, i break down, i try to work... thats... thats where it hit me... i can't... i can't... do my work... i can't... I'm breaking down... be positive.. i want to be. but my mind keeps breaking me... my heart keeps aching. switching back and forth... i force myself to sleep... next morning i wake wishing i hadn't. sometimes i wake up every morning still thinking that we're together. another bus ride to your place, not knowing what to do but just knowing its a norm that i embrace you in my arms each rising sun.

I now know why... You have became my purpose. you became what i look forward to. why I'm angry. why i'm upset, why i'm happy, why i am strong, why i endure, why i learn, why i love, why i know my life is full circle, for better or worse, you filled me whole. its sad.. because we never had much time together being happy... always struggling... but id never give you up... even if the storms come. i'd never..

i feel as though your family were mine, 3 years of connection.. your dad, your mom, your sis and your brother... i never felt extra responsibility but found home... do u know i not only lost you i lost your that precious connection with your family.. u tell me you love me... that its hard for you.. but u have to move on.. how i am going to... why now.. why when its the beginning of everything... June was meant for you but now its for me to deal with this pain. i hate myself for being this weak. i hate it.. i hate myself for letting this happen... i hate you for not being strong for me when i am for you... i keep telling you to let me go, stop contacting me.. but my heart is still with u.. cause i gave too much in this 3 years... it was wrong that we started..

now i am just but a memory and a fading one in time to come.