at first, it was... terrible. this was the first time i felt so alone. i found out that.. keng was right, i have too little friends arnd me , how he know that? just by looking at the contacts i have in my phone.ha.. and right,i depend too much on'em. its nobody's fault. they have their love ones to celebrate with. and ill do the same. i was so desperate, so eager to find someone who will actually hang out with me on new year's eve. there's one.. but after last than an hour i know we shouldnt stick arnd any longer; she was so much more closer with her friend and they'll somehow leave when the movie starts, its better that i walk off until i feel left out.still i thank her for acc me for that lil while. then, i walk arnd alone. sat down somewhere nobody would walk by. after awhile, i tot that it isint that bad actually. things wouldnt have turn out better even if i were to meet up with the rest. cause i was the one who asked'em out who than ended up with nothing we can do; some have to go home early anyway.. i cant believe its now a new year. i really hope.. this will not continue like this, continue like im...so bad like this now. sigh. having off on new years day. not a very good thing after all, guys at mj.ha. ppl there dont even know i have a blog.. im not a poor guy saying to all that even enter to my blog that say's '' hey, im so pathetic and i need someone'' well, yea, i need some but not until u read this. , just trying to let off something here. if not ill burst.

yea, i have friends. but..

gee. how can i be using the com when im 15mins to work. damn. anyway. todays xmas. wow. and im still working. poor poor jiewen. at least ill get to celebrate new year's eve. phew. god's not that bad to me. ha. whoosh~ and one year's gone. brand new one ahead. pls pls pls. a better one next year. i beg of u god. haha. i feel like getting a dvd player for myself. since its xmas. and nobody has one for me. still considering. okok. better log off now. or else my supervisor will nag the hell out of me.

its still raining. i stoned at home the whole damn day. i felt this loneliness but i have friends. why? it just dont make any sense. im gg crazy.. i keep lots to myself. too much of it.

woke up at 1.30pm. and its 7.34 now. its gg so fast that i cant believe it. i dont feel life anymore. yes, i go work, laughs; im just faking it, nobody knows, i go out, just so that i feel that im still breathing and theres still ppl arnd me; i feel my presence but its gone the next day i wake up. am i still myself. am i? its fading away.

i cant wait to go to a new enviroment. meet new ppl. get out of the hell am in now. but i fear the same cycle again.when i see people connected to each other that close.. i cant help it but hate myself, why cant something like this happen to me. am i too impatient , desperate to gain what i dont have. or just to fill in whats empty. crap. im so screwed.

having read the entry above. i think im really crazy. what the f' am i even typing here.

wow.chatting with monkey now. she and her boy have been together for 8mths already. haha.. isint that like .. loooong. but to me... its just like ive been thru only a week or so. ive been thru nothing but empty , bore and stupid life. who can i blame it to. myself ofcourse. geee. typical moodswings again. alright. all i want is .. ahh. forget it. haha.. whats the use of talking trash when i dont have a magical lamp. my life's like the ever rolling toilet paper , all i'll see is just pieces of white paper connected with another. argh. now thats lame. fuck. nvm.

hear new. see new. feel new. nokia n73. ya. i got it. actually. nothing 'new' about it. haha. cause its just like my previous 7610. just that the cam's really superb. for everything else. just the same. its not that bad actually. i wont have to go thru all the ' get use to it ' period. well. i really have nothing much to update again. lol. cause its the same everyday. i work. i watch movies i borrowed home. i sleep. i eat. nothing else. what do u expect? i spend almost all my time in the mph. sigh. life's just... so.. nothing. really.

yesh .im getting the n73 sooooon. real soon. actually. probably next week. lol. finally. i can get rid that old 3310. haha. but.. seriously, its the most durable phone ever. it has been with me for arnd 4years. geee. 3310 never says die. erm. actually i have nothing else to talk about alrdy. haha. well. thats it for today.

haha. today. was really cool. woke up at 10am. finished watching those dvds i borrowed at 2pm. then met up with monkey at sch to retrieve her art piece and my cert. and guess what. i came back with nothing. cause mr tan was not arnd and i didnt bring my ic. what kinda shit is that. nvm. then we met up with blacky and went striaght to pw. did a magic trick to'em which i obviously failed at pasta mania. haha. lastly , haha... kbox again. what else. had fun there. at least to me it was. haha. alright. im late. i shld be sleeping already. MEET UP AGAIN NEXT TIME ARRRRR. lol. im out.

w-oh w-oh w-oh. time really flies like superman when u work. look? its already 22nd. erm.. isit? argh. oh yah, im working but not at as a promoter under guess watches anymore. so sick of counting watches day and night. thousands of'em!!! can u imagine how tiring and dumb it is.
but .. sigh.. the pay's like damn lil. oh yea. i havent mention where im working at. MJ.. yea. music junction. the only reason im there is because its at pw. just a 5mins walk and poof! im there. real fast. and after a few days of getting use of ' selling watches to cds ' , i realised that i didnt make the wrong choice. its real cool. and pretty relaxing though the long hours. well.. thats not it. i get to take home any kinds of cds home. haha. thats so damn awesome. since i used to borrow movies there.. wasted damn lot of money on it too.. and now , wah la , its all freaking free. yet.. i dont know if i can handle working so many hours like this for long, i've got horrible breakouts all of sudden. fuck! chill chill. phuuuuuuuuuuu. but thats the only pathetic thing i worry now. not that bad. it will heal as time goes. it better! sigh. skin problem's always troubling me. fuck! oh there goes that word again. alright. thats all for now.

yay ~ paper one was OK today. phew... but er.... i fucking made a careless mistake on the probabilty sum. fuck. lol. nvm that. let me see. careless mistakes + sums that i skipped would probably total up to 20 marks... okok. oh might god.. all i ask for is to get at least .. AT LEAST 55-60/80. please please please. i dont wanna fail my maths again.

ok. as y'all know. i just got a new mp3. now.. i need to get a new phone. anyway. theres lots of bad comments and feedbacks on the nokia n73.. so.. its out. i'm now deciding on either samsung ulra 9.9/12.9 or sony ericsson's cybershot phone k800i. although it is kinda obvious that sony's got a better quality in camera yet it's no match to samsung's sleek design. appearance??? or.. quality??? argh... which one. damn it! wait a min... samsung's got quite a few of negative comments too. cause im blogging and surfing the web at the same time, you see. geee. it says on the website, that it has a poor battery life. erm... okok. nokia's problem is the hangs and lags. samsung's, the battery life. sony's? NON? how is that possible. lol. something is wrong with this webby. think i'll have to do more research before buying a new phone. lol. im out.

she's not online today. so its kinda awkward.. although we havent got to know each other really well yet, its really nice to have her on msn. our usual practice , yahoo pooling or drawing , simple games like that could be alot more fun when you're playing with her. haha. and ya.. shes just my online friend. well.. also the only one i added since jeraldine. really hope to know you better happyjie. lol. dont know if she'll read this or not. i guess not? haha

anyway. i bought this samsung mp3 that i fancy alot recently. its really unique and cool. its in black, very very blaack. has a touch-sensitive screen and ofcourse the feature that caught my attention when i first saw it on net. the ''slide and tlit'' hidden speaker. so.. erm.. i've been using it for 2days and everything's quite smooth. nothing bad to point out. maybe just the easily smudge screen. you know... i hate dirts or prints on my gadgets. but its inevitable though. u cant expect me to wipe the mp3 each time i use it. its mind blowin' oh ya, the earphones are one of a kind. really. its so... wierd looking. but that explains the powerful sound quality. it has a 4gb one but i thought that was too much for me so i chose the 2gb one which cost at $308. geee. the box was so small.. they actually managed to squeeze all of the accesorries in it. i was pretty disappointed that it didnt inlcude a pouch. well. but it aint a big deal. so now that i have a sleek and cool mp3 player. i can get myself a cheaper handphone on dec.

i cant wait for my exams to end. then i can go out with the animals-i hope, and many other friends. im so desperate to sing. so kbox is a definate. and the next thing ill do after that is to get a new jobby-i hope too. if not, ill just stay put in my current jobby. geee. wanted this entry to be a short one but look at it now.. okok. till next time then. im out ~

you look at me.
i laugh.
i joke.
i'm happy
i look at myself in the mirror.
i hate.
i despise.
i'm sad.

i have no faith in myself anymore.

=( !!!! my mum don't wanna sign a new contract with singtel... that means i'll have to pay the retail price for the freaking phone i want. F--K~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ sigh. i dont really blame her actually. $19.90 a month? thats really too much. besides she don't really need a handphone so what for get a new line. but im really upset because i cant get a new phone right away. and guess what ? since i sold my 7610. i'll have to use back that old... dying... piece of crap... 3100. yet, this piece of crap stayed with me for 4years... its darn powerfull man. if you guys realise this. phone now adays got so many problems. at first.. its all good and new. then after a few months of using it. it starts screaming '' IM SICK . BRING ME TO THE SERVICE CENTRE '' this kinda crap. yet.. i cant stand bringing this powerfull 3100 out. its really embarrassing. argh. so damn vexed now. phuuuuuuuuuu. or should i just get a cheap phone. save up the $500 and buy a XBOX !!!!!!! but... i'll have to sell my ps2. if not my mum will start nagging about having too many consoles and not concentrating on my studies bla bla bla. aiya. think i'll just save up $200 more to get a n73 without contract. but not now. will only do that after the price dropssssssssss. im out.

i just sold my precious 7610. i have never thought of selling it. really. cause im satisfied with the functions and everything. but i had no other choice because something was wrong it. geee. something's wrong with me too. think im addicted to selling things. first it was my psp , games , dvds and now this. nvm that. my only worry now is what phone i should really get. since my psp's not with me already. i'll need a mp3 phone. n73 and w850i...WHICH ONE? i know i know. i should get sony walkman phone since its related to a music player. but the thing is.. i dont trust other brands except for nokia. yet sony's got the real package. it comes with a one gig mem and as for n73 just a 128mb shiat ? ARGHHHH. this is mind blowin. fk! if theres no fault in my 7610, i may even have the money to get one bloody xbox. ARGGGGHHHH. im going to scream this blog down soon... so im out.

ITS REALLY ALIVE NOW
but i prephered the previous skin i've changed. darn!

ITS ALIVE BUT
theres some problemo with it. darn.

dying blog.....

how complexing our mind can be sometimes
helps us detect love and hate
yet confuses us with contradictions
all that we've been through
whether if its sadness or happiness
becomes part of our memory
not to be forgotten
as time passes by
we've all changed
and so should my mind too
so its time for me to..
move on.

wahhaa. and i thought i knew who that person is. how embarassing. well. why hide, just let me know who u are. junior?? erm.. since you've already told me that. why not tell me who u are??? i wont bite. lol .ok. lame.
was very sick yesterday. but it sure was fun. after the stupid event. we separated with hui and her bf. then xiwei treated all of us to kbox. so generous right? but its also because he's gg into ns next week. aww. we're gonna miss u pighead. lol. thanks for the treat again.
my examination is comming soon. think ill TRY to revise my maths and read more english books. sigh. think its gonna be boring today. i just came back from tution. and just look at the time. 1.15 !? geee. what am i gg to do for the rest of the day. hope gx think of something to do later. if not im just gg to slack until the evening and end the day at the court.

WHAHAHAHAHA. i made a fool out of myself again. but at least i gain some meaningless experience from it. well. it was'nt that bad. at least i tried. sign. i dont get it. people that got the looks or talent shld be given another shot if they failed their first try out. its really a waste. im not refering to myself. well, maybe we're just not the lucky batch . 10hours of bbq-ing ourself under the hot sizzling sun and all we get is a minute of shame. its not really that embarrassing or what. but they shld at least give us some respect and some meaningful comment. darn. they just freaking light the sign and out we go. leaving us nothing but doubt. is'it bad or good? is'it because of this or what ? fuck. they're so freaking rude. geeeee. im never ever gonna participate in such stupid event unless im real confident. waste of my time. but juleen, u got the talent, dont waste it. same goes for monkey. i think both of u can make it through. just dont be nervous because they dont give a damn abt your feelings. mfs. good luck to both of you. make the rest of the animals PROUD ! FIGHTING ! crap. okok. i gtg bath and all. im out.

shiat~ just remembered that i have to get myself a pair of new shoes, so i think i wont have enough money to buy a guitar already. *cry* maybe i'll get one after o's , sign. 'maybe' by then i wont be that intrested in it already. anyway ill be kinda buzy after the examination cause ill be working most of the time. im really desperate for money. got too many things i wanna do and buy. guess money is never enough for me. when will i ever learn how to save. geee. if only im a rich son of a b****.. i will get myself a xbox360/ps3, some branded clothings, a pair of jord's basketball shoe,a bottle of expensive perfume,do some extreme makeover, a one of a kind laptop and maybe i wont even be in singapore cause i'll rather study and slack else where . see the differences between the rags and the riches? okok, this dream of mine is never gonna happen. thats all for today's ' dree eee am dream dream dream dreee eee am ' entry. im out~

recently, i found out that i have changed.. not much but at least.. in a good way. im not that pessimistic anymore, as time passes, i found out that this is not what i want my life to be. struggling meaninglessly in the dark aint helping. i gotta get out of it and live with it. so what if my life's a bitch, theres ppl who's having life that is so bad, they'd rather end it. so mine is'int that bad, just that i got more 'downs' than 'ups' . now, i try to talk to ppl when im working and not play dead at some corner like the past. i'll also not try to think of something sad when im alone. this is something i shld be happy abt.. or maybe the only one.

i dont know why, but i feel like learning something that i'm not capable of suddenly. like playing a guitar.. yea.. thats right, playing a guitar. yesterday , i told ahmad if his willing to teach me and he dont mind at all. what a good boy, i appreciate it. thanks. think ill just get a guitar on my bday. but ofcourse a affordable one. well, i might change my mind in the end. lol. for now , i have to concentrate on my O's, erm.. i'll try to. then FINISH IT ! and enjoy my next holiday. lol. wth am i talking abt , im having it all the the time. just that its superbly boring. geee. cant wait to hop into a new sch with new friends, new enviroment, new issues i'll have to cope with. yay! ..... but i still dont know which one i shld go. maybe nafa, maybe lasalle, maybe poly if i do well in O's which is kinda impossible or even worst, maybe ite. geeee. this is mind blowin' but i dont mind ite already. i mean.. a dip and a cert makes no difference, besides, i still can tranfer from ite nitec to poly. just that i'll waste another year. argh... just so excited for whats coming. it may be bad or good, but at least i can escape from serenity and boredom. okok , i type too much already. thats all for today. im out.

can anyone tell me why did i created thiss stupid blog again. firstly , im getting lazy to update already. secondly, i'm doing the same thing every week, what else can i type here ? last but not least, i think my blog looks like shit now. ugh, who gives a damn. i want TO HAVE MY OLD LIFE BACK!!!!!! i want somebody who likes playing pool , ps2 , bball just like i do. i want friends who are bored and free everyday so that we'll always be hanging ard and not knowing where to go, we just simply slack and enjoy it. im greedy i know, i want all my different kinds of friend back but... its impossible. phuuuu... im out.

time passes real fast for me this week. thats because im using every second of my precious time. im working , having tution and during my free time, bball. actually , this is how my life shld be gg. if i slack, i think alot and when that happens, i'll go extremly sad. then i'll start to hate myself and start writing stupid entries here again. said that , it doesnt mean i'm entirely over with the mood swings but not as much if im busy dealing with other things like work. how can i possibly stay sad when im talking to the customers, its just not the right attitude. during my free time , ill just go to the nearby court to shoot some ball. i dont know why but bball is the most efficient way to relax myself from stress. unfortunately... my only outdoor and bball nike shoe is going to wear off soon.. sign. where am i gg to get all the money to buy one new pair of shoes.. although ill be getting my pay soon, which is abt less than $200 i guess, i still have to return xw the $32 i owed him, my bills , daily needs and jess's bday share... sign.. why are u doing this to me god.. ugh, yea, i know, shoe's with me for at least 3 years.. so its time.. phuuu.
the start of a whole new week again.. as for tmr , ill be hanging ard with someone, not a girl..., surprisingly it's gonna be guoxiong. okok, i think i better stop before this whole webby hangs and ill have to write this whole piece of shit again. im out.

today was.. not as bad as i thought it will be. there's pretty much that ive done. i played my ps2 and basketball, done some of my homework, went to tution and talked with liern for awhile. haha, she told me that xw was kinda pissed off after we gave negative comments about his $600 specs.awww.. we didnt know we hurt u that much. but seriously, that kinda specs dont suit u at all but its your money. haha. besides this , we chat abt.. erm ,let me think.. the past, shatec, her new friends and .. argh, i cant recall all of them. but it was nice chatting with her. it has been long since we last seen each other, haha, and for goodness sake, shes just a block away from me. tmr, national day eh? but its none of my business. for all i know , im working at metro tmr. ugh, its gg to be a long and boring national day. cant wait for my payday. i really need some cash to ... erm.. cheer myself up? what the hell am i talking abt. geeee. i dont know whether to stick with my intrest or my future well-being, im talking abt the sch im gg next year. shld i register for art sch or shatec ? damn. monkey we're on the same boat. sign. but im so sick of the long and expensive trip to shatec. as for nafa or lasalle, its so much more nearer to my house. this is so mind blowing. kill me somebody. nah, im just kidding. i dont want to die yet. not now. there's much more i have yet to experience, like... being with someone i really love, having my own house , childrens , flying around the globe.. OK , im so off the tangent already. this year i just want to at least pass my Olevel maths and eng .. or at least one of them. alright. thats all for today. im out.

argh!!! fk!!!! its so f'ing noisy!!!!! oh my god. give me a break. its early in the morning. geee. those drilling and knocking is killing mua!!!! those contructor assclowns is so darn inconsiderate. nvm. knock and drill all you want because im already awake! great. what a start for the day.

this week im kinda buzy. ill be working for four days and the other days for my tution classes. my english oral is comming up real soon. hope i wont mess up again. the picture describing part, is the worst of all, its so stupid please. if its not for that part of oral, everyone will get a distinction. crap. THE BLOODY NOISE POLLUTION IS GONNA BLOW MY HEAD! if i have a gun , i'll shoot the crap out of them.

ugh.... too bad i dont have a gun. luckily i got to work later. just imagine where i can escape to if i got nothing else better to do. nobody can go out, nobody plays basketball or playstation.. aw... if only that gay willy is here. shiat! why didnt they approve his student pass!!!! WHY !!!! motherf'kers . alright.. too many bad bad words in this blog already. to all readers.. if there are, this blog is rated NC-16. so if you're below that horrible immatured age, simply click on the 'X' at your top right hand side. if you cant find it, press ctrl , alt and delete all at the same time then go make yourself a pair of ugly specs so u can spot the 'X' easily next time. IF.. all the above aint working for you , underage kiddo, please smash , kick , punch ,hammer, headbutt or run it over with a car.

OK! im lame. i gotta go bath then leave my bloody noisy house. im sooo out.

you know what. i shld stop being a loser.. a sorrow sadist.. im always being so pessimistic. i shld try cheering up myself. this is not the end of the world jw you big time asshole, you still got lots more ahead of you, why surrender to depression or sadness now? argh, look, you shld be happy that u have enough clothes and food , i mean your standard of life is great compared to those pitiful childrens in africa. you have friends and your mom who cares and concerns abt u.. you shld be... i mean .. im so much more fortunate than so many others.. sign. i think this aint helping. think i better go down and shoot so ball. im out.

yea. my newly created bloggy. shweet har ?.. dont think so. here is where i truly express my feelings and thoughts, bla bla bla. guess everyone knows that. pathetic.

man.. my best friend, side kick , mate .. brother..asshole, went back to shanghai not long ago. Leaving me here in this small lil pathetic island all alone. what a jackass. nvm, he got to do what he need to. well,just hope he wont get attracted by those black gay men in america.

so.. yesterday was gx's birthday. we actually had quite alot of fun, or maybe its just because i kept making fun of myself.. im such a fool. erm.. so it started out like this, we first met at east coast for no reason at all then walked to pw. had steamboat and a few games of pool there. we went back at abt 130am i think. oh yea, xw is such a pussy, he actually want to cheat $2 more from me. you see, i owed him juleen's bday share $20, a movie ticket $8 and another $4 for the pool game. add them up together and you'll get? $32 ? smart. buta, he said that i owed him $34. argh~ now im the pussy here. its just $2 for goodness sake. anyway, ill return him as soon as i get my pay.

alright.now that williams gone and left with me is only a few dollars, life's really gg to be a byetch. sign. i think im gg to have depression soon. im always talking to myself lately because i got no one to talk to? and when i meet up with friends, i become so darn talkative and fake. fake as in im actually not that happy. hahaha. im pathetic. trying to tell everyone here that im actually unhappy but trying to be happy in front of them all the f'ing time. so damn hypocritical. dont even know if i use that word correctly, im so dumb. but for those who are reading, u know what i mean. lame-o. think our next outing will not come any sooner and that totally sux. i really dont want to talk to myself everyday like a mad dog. arghhh. this serenity and boredom is so gonna kill me anytime. geee. what a long first entry i typed here. better stop here for now. im out.