I had to do something really really really stupid for betty yeo shi mee yesterday ;not gonna say what i did, but it was because she was upset with my previous post. She said it was pathetically short and meaningless compared to hers so therefore! I am going to retype one more just for her =D.

SO...

when she first knew me, i was like all knowledgeable and awesome because of my works in school. but now, almost every sentence of hers has a 'you stupid or what' in it. LOL. Almost all the time she bites and slaps me when shes stress or just so she can hear the 'piak!' sound or see the bite marks. i do miss the times when i was still "Jake" that tall guy that attracted her just by a little. But I miss her even more now when shes not around although i see her almost every single day, calling me "Nam" a guy now clumsy and stupid to her yet loves so much more. =D

There are times when we're just tired and in complete silence, these are the times when i look at her carefully. I see not only the girl I love but someone so responsible, loving and caring. Sure there are times when she is tired of things, taking care of the whole family and so independently solving her own problems. She deserves a rest and so much more. I can't even imagine myself in her place. B, you're really amazing. Many times, she throws her small tempers on me;well i can be really stupid at some stuff but i will always just take it in because at least now when shes upset, tired and frustrated, I am there for here to vent alittle fire in her heart. =) that is why of all people, she i can take all the heat from. Even if I get angry, I always try to take it easy, not because I'm scared to offend her but it's because she really deserves a let out. Best part is she always hugs me after that. awwwww.

The first time I see her doing her housework, I was in awe. From mopping, cooking, cleaning to tidying. Every single thing to be done in the house... God, I just want to help her. Or at least be around. To be frank, I am seriously lazy at home. Aside my room, I dont really care much about the other stuff at home but now when I see cloths not folded, dishes not washed, ill do them. That's when I miss her too. HAHAHAHA. pardon the mushy-ness

I use to nag and complain to God why that someone just dont come. That was since 5 years ago. I'm not looking for a girl, not looking for a pretty face, not looking for someone hot. i'm looking for someone that I really love and someone that loves me too. And when you love someone that much, that person is the prettiest and the most attractable but still you are really pretty! Even the imperfections/venerability becomes something of a close connection only you and the person dare share. That is what i have with her and what i treasure more than anything.

And above all that I have said, especially the bites and the slaps.

Every part of you I love and Every time of yours I want to share. =D

God always listen to your prayers. Just have to be patient and wait for the time to come.

Like i always say to you. Really want to see us go all the way till we're wrinkly and fat.

Days with

Muffin

Yeo

We yearn to see each other

everyday.

Now, we

yearn for a hug each day X)

dont kill me when u come back. XD

HAHAHA. i really dont know what to say but

really pictures tells alot more right. =..=''.

my friend just laughed at me and said that this

is damn cheesy but ya. WAHHAHA. dont get married to

a cow there man. come back soon. ill miss hanging out. =)

i love my new phone

its not expensive.

it only has 2mp camera.

it is not better than my old phone

BUT

it is alot faster

it has a cooler interface than my old phone

it has a better music player

it is super light

it is damn friendly-user

and above all else

my mum bought it =)

today i went for one of my cousins wedding dinner. tell you the truth i still feel that my mum and i, we're just out of place. And I always feel that her other sisters are actually kinda looking down on her at times, or otherwise pitying her. actually.. i will too. i realized much diff my mum and her sisters have. they look so vibrant and proud of their family, their children smart and steady, like they have everything and my mum although still smiling...yet not abit did that hide away her tired dull face. compared to her sisters, most who are her elder ones, she looked so much older and weaker. As the only son, I feel... really really incapable. I feel useless and helpless that my mum couldn't live a better life like her other sisters. and it is only now, recently that i try to reach out for her and love her not just inwards but outwards.

yet, of all the downsides i think of myself, i felt the strength and the confidence God gave me today. i feel like i will make my mum happy and proud in the near future. and the next time we visit our relatives, it will be different, she will look better, stronger, happier and be proud of her hard work she has put in to make this family work, to support me and mould me into someone she will want to see in. this for sure, will not have happened if i did not go to church and learn of the word of god. the change came from there. i use to be a free thinker. talking about logics and how much i think sometimes god is just a wild imagination. but now i think otherwise. i feel the presence of him. moulding me. changing me. yes, i have changed. but it is a good change.

Doubt is powerful, it can make you wonder and change your perspective of thinking endlessly. Trust, also is yet another powerful, gives you nothing more but peace.

went to church several times and this is the third time God has impacted me with his words, through bible study or today's sermon or even just probably me thinking about how great he is gave me understanding and strength i've never had. feels like another break through for me. haha. well, i myself cant believe i have typed all this. but truly, things i dont understand i am finally understanding. So I just want to thank you lord for all. you have touched me. =)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

I have come that

they may have life,
and have it to the full.
- John 10:10

I can't wait for this movie.

haha. since someone said my posts are too emo. Ive decided to post this online

cause it really made me laugh a lil. the baby is just really.... lol.

Revelation

that night of despair

in the wilderness

abandoned and helpless

he cries where nobody hears

what he call love wavers

what he trusted in falters

what is there left he asked...

then a soothing voice came

and led him to a place

where he found once again

the things he lost...

a trust so well kept

and a love never so unwavering.

the night falls again

and his mind as clear as water.

21st

BIRTHDAY

simple yet the best =)

seriously, i didn't really expect my 21st to be a huge ass party or those sort but I do hope for a change.and yes, there is a change =) huge change. Every time I celebrate my birthday with wee, jul & jess,I just feel that although we don't always meet up but at least we're always there for each other and especially for wee and i. We get closer and closer as friend or buddy as the years pass by. It is something that I am proud of. To have a friend like her. And frankly speaking, I really treasure my friendship with you wee. It is through so much problem that we realized that what is unshaken and will always be there is our friendship eh? =) haha. you're the best of the best wee. oh! and I just have to say, juleen, the card

really came as a shock. HAHA. its something sweet. thankyou~

Not to say, this year i finally got to celebrate my bday with someone who stole my heart. =)

b, I can see that you try to give your very best and it is the best! haha. I love the presents and the pleasant surprises. I love the fact that you are there when the clock hits 12 and it is just a blessing that I have you by my side. you're amazing and i love you =)

...and for all the friends who were there. THANK YOU so much. happy bday to you too SHOLLEH! =D

with it flash before my eyes

i still stood where my feet lies

never have i been so lifted

and at the same time so lost

my bottle is half filled for...

you are my runaway answer.

life is beautiful if you believe in god.

I am tired of internship. really really bored with it. i find no purpose to wake up early just to end up trying really hard to find something to do like i'm desperate for it. things that... well, has really nothing much to do with my course. for instance. making coffee. which i do lesser now but nonetheless i feel like theres so much more that i can be. but yest. b kinda enlightened me with words that ive once told her "internship is about shit jobs and you just have digest it and get it over with". yea. I hate it when I predict the right things.

i have never been happier

never been feel life's meaning right until now... =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKMs0Ubam_w

"...the last time god lost faith in us, he sent a flood. This time, he send angels..."

she "prayed" to the cake for at least 2mins

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!

it is pretty funny how i think this is the first time in close to 21 years of my life that i am celebrating my mum's bday. i decided to make spaghetti for my mum along with mushroom soup. Something simple. B bought flowers for my mum. She plucked out all the thorns on the roses before giving it to her. so SWEET. never fail to make me =). she was really encouraging, making sure this day will be special for her. and it was. we also took pictures with B's polaroid camera.

it was simple

it was just the three of us

it was nothing fanciful

it didn't cost alot

but it was the best...

a day my mum have always dreamed of.

and a scene that ive always imagined.

a scene of having a dinner with the ones that i loved. like a family.

never seen her smile and laugh like this. so real...

i know you will say that it's all because of me

but still...

thank you b.

i WILL become a director. someday. =)

what comes around, goes around.

so much had changed.. the aspects and perspective of my life...

the way i see things now. 

the things that i desire so much clearer and real unlike before.

never thought i'll be this weak and yet..

this strong...

for everything. i just want to thank you 

and god. =)

JUL'S BDAY !!!!!!!!! 

• simple dinner
• simple reunion 
• simple old times
• simple bla bla bla
• just nice to hang out again 

photos credit to angeline chong =) 

once again i asked the question.

i asked why.

and then i asked why again. 

why bring me such joy

then have me crushed down by it.

I only hope for something simple.

hope for love and to be loved. 

i dont understand...

what are you trying to do dear lord.

so much uncertainty. 

so much doubt. 

yet so much for me not to let go. 

without you, 

I would have not known who I am...

I would have been alone...

I would have given up...

Thank you wee wee. =) 

I am solid sure of what I want to be next time. Very very sure. I love my job. =) 

i'm worried sickkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Jake stepped on a bear trap.

But he's not a bear.

the sweetest thing happening so far...

AND HERE WE GO AGAIN! i'll be back...

FIRST DAY OF SCH'S NOT BAD.

Today is the last day. 

Goodbye to waking up not knowing what to do next

Goodbye to thinking of what show to watch next until the clock ticks 4am

Goodbye to feeling bad not doing anything climatical in this chapter of my life

Goodbye to having any chance of asking anyone out

Goodbye to waking up late in the bright sunny afternoon

Goodbye to feeling happy being alone at home without feeling depress at the same time

Goodbye to having no concern of earning any money

Goodbye to all the lying around at home. *i'm seriously going to miss this one. 

Goodbye to my holiday.

i just want things to be the way it is. 

So so so, a few more days to the start of a new sem. Like I said I really am satisfied with my holiday although I felt really bad for slacking so much BUT... i just heard from yuan that this will officially be the last holiday that we're going to have. NOOOOO. i didn't know. I would have done something if i knew!!! like save up some money and... and i dont know, travel?  thailand, malaysia, where ever... ahhhhh. I feel like this is the last day of me sitting on my couch eating junk food watching neverending shows that ive downloaded. darn .....

Sigh, life goes on... anyway, was suppose to do a short film this holiday but for SOME reasons that I will not go into, it has once again been delayed. fuck. anyhows, my team and I went to req at potong paseh and chinatown. It was pretty fun and i sure miss taking pictures. with my phone. duh, not like i have a dslr, hell, i dont even have a normal digi cam. but hey, my camera on my phone is pretty decent at 5mp. not bad at all ok. haha.

and so i started clicking....

at random things...

this is not at all a planned shot. angie and yuan actually 

set timer on her digi cam and ran to boon and i while

we were observing the place. and TADA! 

yes, i'm also a pervert.

boon blends in with the orange pole.

i know, it's fking gay...

I just love b&w and it hides my ugly red blemishes too. LOL~

we walk the face of earth______

after much complain from weewee. I decided to once again change the template of my blog. 

sch is going to start again and for once, i am going to say that I had enough of it. Holiday kinda screws up my body clock. Very very unhealthy, yes. I have just finished watching terminator: sarah conner chronicles season 2 and hell, it was great. The season finale was such a cliffhanger. Sadly, it is most likely going to be the last of it because of the low view rates. It is very irresponsible of fox to just let a great show go like this, they didnt even end it properly! agh~ I am going to miss Cameron, the hot terminator in the show. LOL.  

I played basketball with ben and christian last night. It was fun although I sucked at playing it now. It was funny seeing familiar faces. I remember the days when basketball was everything, spending most of my time hanging out at the court. How some things change and some just stay the same. Frankly speaking, I am a person who yearns for changes. It's so weird looking back, realizing that part of you or your life hasn't change abit. Sigh, realization can be very depressing sometimes. But change dont just come and I know that. I am just... a coward of my own cruel fate. Does that even make any fking sense? haha. 

IN LOVE WITH SOME[THING]

HER NAME IS CAMERON AND SHE IS A TERMINATOR!!! 

I dont know to be happy or to be sad. Yup, I just got my results back. Lets talk about the good stuff first, I got three distinction and a B+ for subjects that are related to my course. They are motion graphic, video production, Project 2 and Screenplay. Right, and i'm really happy about it, seriously. Here comes the fked up part, I got C & D+ for the rest. WHAAHHAA. They the subject that are not related to my course at all, such as leadership and communication design? I really dont know how ppl can do well for every single subjects. that is just.... impossible for me. hahaha.

But frankly speaking. IM STILL HAPPY! hahahha, cause I got 3 distinct in a row. GPA still sucks though, its forever, 2.9. reaching out to the stars for a 3. You know how I always say GPA is stupid and portfolio is the ace. I kinda see things differently now cause I realize that I can never EVER study in overseas. It's just too... expensive. So i need my GPA afterall... to get in a local uni. fuck. =(

*unless i make it to SIFF(singapore film festival). things then will be diff.
DREAMS... ahhhh... DREAMS...

I guess everyone thinks that Ive already abandoned my blog. hahahhaa. or maybe no one can really figure out how my blog works. dummies =x nevermind. 

I have mixed feelings these days. must be the holiday mood. fuck. I want to do alot of things. I want to become a better film-maker, make as many god damn short films as possible yet, and frankly, i feel very lazy. very very lazy. and the whether today is so.... great. 

The rain has never been so perfect. Well, i'm exhilarating. Okay, just want to make sure i write something on a daily basis now. hahaha. =D

it's amazing how I can't sleep when I have the chance to. Yes, i was busy. School. what else? Three weeks holiday now, with ample time for me to exploit. Nothing more than sitting infront of the flashing box with a jar of chocolate. 

Previously on "Jake's life". He had already done two short films in school and is actually satisfied with his works, nonetheless thought it was still not good enough. There is always room for improvement, Jake thought. Planning, filming and editing has relentlessly taken over his days and nights... until now, the three weeks of holiday have finally come to him. He did not wish for it nor did he reject the idea of it. It was all good, feeding himself spoons of chocolate and wasting himself in front of the flashing box until the fifth day when he realized he could not longer fall asleep like the usual. It bothered him because he came back from a late night movie with friends then had one over to waste the rest of the night on a RPG game of exploding bodies of blood. Finally the day should be called off when his friend leaves for the first bus but... this is where it happened.

He could not sleep.

Haunting thoughts once again come back for him. He thinks of loneliness, the things he wished he could have and the- FUCK NO! He stops thinking and stopped forcing himself to sleep with those horrible thoughts. On the lights, took another bathe, clear his head, switched on his beloved MAC and decided to do something else, anything else but think of those horrid questions slithering in his brain. This is when he finally decided that this god damn blog needs a new face. =) 

I just realized how scarily long my neck is.... 

and tall i am. LOL

He pan... with no rides but a big dumb statue.

and a stupid huge durian

so all we could do is take loads of pictures. hahaha.

and more pictures...

and some more pictures

we actually climbed all the way up so we could see the scenery. quite nice actually.

You can already tell who are the guys and the girls in this picture without looking at the face.

So this CNY is probably the worst. On the first day of CNY, I stayed at home the whole bloody day and i watched like 7-8 movies. See, i cant even recall. I didn't visit anyone cause my mum wanted to work, can't blame her. At least on the second day i went out with wee, angie and ben. Hoping to seat the rides, hepan usually have. BUT, yup, nothing more than a few dumb statues and colorful lights. Well, it was actually still pretty fun. All the clicking and flashing. Although I didnt step out of the house, I still manage to get alil bit of money from my parents and some random people. but from the looks of it. 2009 really is a bad year. at least to start with.

now and then I will think about things that will drag me down like a swallowing quick sand. sometimes i dont even understand why I want to make myself sad. do people want to feel sad? well, at least i do and it sux. geee. but trust me, i use to be alot worse. no, i dont do stupid things that involves blood. 

I know its damn retarded to post really pessimistic sad horrible self insulting entries. what I am sad is if i were to disappear one day, will things be different for anyone? will people even care? Oh wells, i dont really care anymore and I got alot of work to do. so... i shall look forward to CNY. 

on fri, wee, jess, ben, ls and i went to hajilane for food. we didnt know what to do after that until ls suggested bowling. which we did at ecp. and i got the highest score, yay. haha.. so after that we went up and played arcade for awhile and then card games at my place. i got the make-a-rule card and i decided that in the game, forfeit applies for anyone who laughs with any kinda sound, so ure allowed to laugh but you cant make a sound in another words. pretty funny. weewee just... couldnt hold it at first. ben thought that i made the game emo. oh wells. it was pretty fun and all. now, we're just have to worry abt what we can do next week. so little things to do sometimes. 

sometimes i question myself, am i born to feel pessimistic all the time. this is so far the happiest time of my life since sec sch and still..hey,  I finally know who I am, I know what I wanna do. although I know I do have friends, close ones but no one in particular to miss for, change for, worry for or to look forward for. like when i see how wee actually cares for daniel, i just really feel like... erm, like what am i here for, im not anyones special person, nor is anyone special to me. geeeeeee. i should stop. i'm back to square one again. haha. 

ok, feeling lazier than ever, i still decided to once again update. i see why more and more people stopped updating. actually I will really stop one day if I have a person to go to and just say anything I want, really, more than what i will express here but... ya. not easy to come by such person. erm, know what? maybe its just me cause i just keep everything inside. breggghhhh. 

anyway, i missed class AGAIN. i cant believe it. set two alarm and still. I woke up,745, told myself that ok, 5mins more on the sofa, woke up again, hey, this is weird, why isit still 745. hey wait a minute, dont tell me, this time, i really opened my eyes, 12 bloody pm. so I dreamt of myself waking up, going to the sofa, sleep and then wake up again. how fked up is that. So did my alarm really woke me up, did i really saw 745 or was i sleeping all the while.

class was at 9am anyway. =..=''

we live alone and then we die alone...

and apparently we stay alone.

the movie, ghost town

school is terrifyingly exhausting. 9AM !!!! 9 BLOODY AM!!! everyday. without fail, in a class that i CANNOT skip. its called leadership. can leaders be late, no. can leaders sleep in class, no. can leaders afford a late submission, no. can the leader's leader be a nice person who understands why a person can't wake up in time for a 9AM CLASS? definitely not. 

its neither a bad nor a good start for school. 

i really think im losing it. the discipline to work really hard. maybe its because holiday was just too much. the fun.. the freedom to slack whenever and wherever with my mum finally opening up to it. oh! i know... i know~~~~ the reason why this... this force is pulling me down is because simply, i realized how broke i am... oh my... 

new clothes 

new games

weekly movies

maintenance of whatever

foooooood

holyshit, what have i done. i need to save. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! hahaha, 2008 is probably the fullest year of all, not the year of my dream, never will have one but at least the last few weeks of the year was well spent. Last night, had steamboat with wee, ben, angie and greg. I knew it wouldnt be awkward right from the start to bring angie and greg along. i mean, come on, we are friendly people, i was a lil afraid of weewee though, she can be quite intimidating when shes in a bad mood sometimes and she is, was still in a bad mood. hahaha. but it all went well for steamboat. So was the drinking game at my place, greg and angie went back first obviously. So it was just ben, wee and i. It would have been a perfect day if wee wee had nothing to worry or to be angry about but since when does she not have one. Ben was pretty shocked when wee exploded at the call from someone who i shall not mention. haha. ANYWAYS, ANYHOWS, I think this is the most expensive, most time spent ,most alcoholic, most unhealthy food taken, least hour of sleep taken, best xmas and do what-ever I want holiday and end of year ever.